Sinners by Amanda Richardson

Author:Amanda Richardson [Richardson, Amanda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Amazon: B08C9NN143
Goodreads: 54377894
Publisher: #PrB.rating#4.71
Published: 2020-07-20T00:00:00+00:00

5

The Absence of Light

S alem Tempest

Paris, Three Years Ago

What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Once the shock of my mother’s diagnosis wears off, my brothers and I mobilize to help her as much as possible. We take turns accompanying her to chemo. She spends her time while she gets injections writing a cozy mystery, something she’s always wanted to do. My father begins to find joy in gardening and cooking. Felix takes up boxing, and Killian internalizes everything like he always does. We all cope in our own ways. A terminal diagnosis for our mother really puts things in perspective for all of us.

I continue my relationship with Julia, though it’s not serious. When I need an outlet, I visit SINNERS—the club in the eighteenth arrondissement. Sarah, the waitress, opens up an entire world for me. I learn the BDSM aspect is hidden, underground. I had to sign a nondisclosure agreement before exiting the club on my first visit. On the outside, it’s your typical bar. Behind the thick doors are several rooms—rooms that men pay thousands of dollars to be dominated in. Or, like me, to do the dominating. I never thought of myself in that way, but Sarah’s question haunts me every day.

Angel… or demon?

Aside from spending every extra euro on coke or MDMA, I also find myself explosively angry. The two are not a great combination. I have to drink to get through work, and then I go home, spend time with Julia, and most nights I go out after she leaves. Sitting with my thoughts is not something I intend to do, not something I’m willing to confront. I want numbness, darkness… the absence of light. You cannot see darkness, you cannot feel darkness. It’s a vacuum that only comes when everything else leaves.

It’s nothing.

It’s everything.

I’m seven drinks in at SINNERS one night, for the third night in a row. The bartender, a nice guy whose name I always forget, lets me drink for free because I’m friends with Sarah. I’m a regular now. I guess that’s what happens when you make a person come three times in a row—she insists you drink free at her bar. I’m certainly not complaining.

“She’s ready for you,” the bartender says. “Door six.”

“Thanks, man.” I slide off of the stool and make my way through the inconspicuous door, opening it and closing it behind me. The room is empty except for a black leather couch, a small table, and a large bed with black, satin sheets. Two pairs of handcuffs, two gags, and a whip lay strewn over the shiny fabric. I walk over to the toys, reverently grazing each of them with my hands, stroking them as if I can feel the power they possess. The amount of pleasure I can pull from Sarah with a few simple toys is inexplicable, but I don’t question it too much. We’re all a little bit fucked up, somehow, and this is just one of those things.

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